Josh and I (probably 1980 or so)
Josh and I April 2008
Erin and I (Nov. 2007)I am reading Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by the Mally siblings to the boys as part of our morning routine.
The author compared relationships to painting a house (scraping the old paint off a house before you can place a new coat of paint).
"If there are past offenses which you have never made right, you will not be able to have the right relationship with your sibling now, no matter how hard you try".
The Biblical example of Jacob and Esau was used.... how bitterness between them grew and the situation became worse with time.
"Examine yourself for any ways you may have caused bitterness in your brother or sister. Learn to look at situations from their perspective."
Some questions I asked the boys from the book:
"If there are past offenses which you have never made right, you will not be able to have the right relationship with your sibling now, no matter how hard you try".
The Biblical example of Jacob and Esau was used.... how bitterness between them grew and the situation became worse with time.
"Examine yourself for any ways you may have caused bitterness in your brother or sister. Learn to look at situations from their perspective."
Some questions I asked the boys from the book:
- Have I hurt the through unkind words or actions?
- Have I lied to them or stolen from them.
- Have I made fun of them or teased them?
- Especially in front of my friends? Or their friends?
- Have I neglected to do something that they were expecting from me?
- Have I been hard to please?
- Have I been angry with them or lost my temper?
- Have I been insensitive to their feelings?
- Have I treated them unjustly in any way?
- Have I put my own friends and priorities ahead of them?
- Have I gossiped about them?
- Have I caused frustration by not noticing or praising them?
- Have I had a competitive spirit against them?
- Have I failed to fulfill something I said I would do?
- Have I ignored them with an attitude of unconcern?
Josh and I did a lot of arguing growing up (just as most siblings do). Poor Erin was just plain tortured since she was too little to do anything about it... bless her heart.
I wonder sometimes how much of the conflicts were MY OWN fault. Back then I just thought Josh was a "pesky little brother".
I had a hard time seeing past my annoyances instead of looking through his lenses. Had I asked myself some of the questions above, maybe I would have been a better sister to him and perhaps I would have been much kinder and attentive to him. To be honest, I probably would not have cared. That is really sad.
We are also learning about humility. Being humble and unselfishness go hand in hand with learning how to have good sibling relationships... putting others above ourselves.
The boys are really young, but they had to answer yes to several of the questions (as did I thinking about my sibling relationships). May the Lord help us to reach their hearts in this area!
